In which Tim tells you to get with the times...

I don't know if anyone is still checking this blog. If so, I must confess I am deeply honored. I have not updated in a while, and if you keep coming back it must mean that you appreciated something of my ramblings and are hungry for more. The bad news is that I no longer post here.

But the good news is that I DO post here quite regularly, to update friends, family and fans on my progress as a Peace Corps Volunteer.

I do feel some sadness at leaving behind the good ol' timatmsu address. I suppose it is no longer fitting for me to claim to still be at MSU. Time moves on, people get older, and it seems that blog addresses must change. Yet onward we move, and further we write.

See you in the Caribbean!

In which Tim watches "Project Runway"

It has recently come to my attention that quite a few people who's intelligence I respect greatly are fans of "Project Runway" on Bravo. This is not the kind of show I generally drift toward (not political enough, for one thing), but I decided to give it a go and to share my reflections.

The Good: My initial reaction to the idea of the show was to think how I really don't care that much about fashion. Yet this show reminded me that everything I put on my body on a daily basis was crafted by some creative person who thought long and hard about what this shirt should look like, and what these shoes should express. There is a lot of giftedness that goes into providing humanity with clothes that protect our bodies from the elements as well as allow us to express ourselves. The show helped me to think about that. The characters (contestants?) were memorable, and less annoying than on most reality tv shows. Some of the quotes were hysterical (Christian: "I am going to die of barfness").

The Bad: The show did on more than one occasion drift into using some of the cliches that make reality television more often than not unbearable. Cheesy music to create emotion. Certain catch phrases that are over repeated ("Make it work" x 7). The silly moment of suspense at the end when you don't know who is going to get voted off. None of this is original. I felt like if they had cut some of the cliche out, there would have been more room for more of the interesting material (For example, how does a designer even come up with an idea?? That part of the show was only about thirty seconds long! You have me captive, teach me something I would not otherwise learn!).

The Verdict: An interesting, relatively well put together show. I would watch it again were I in front of the television. It's cool to watch genuinely talented people be creative.

Below are the notes that I took during the show. Some might find them amusing...

Project Runway 1/30/08
-None of the participants seem happy to go on a field trip.
-They all seem pretty pooped out and unexcited about life.
-Lots of jeans.
-The butler is creepy.
-"the skirt I am going to make shows the Levi's can be a little more. Refined, yet hip." -Israeli guy. Ronnie. PRETENTIOUS.
-fat guy and hair guy (Christian) don't get along.
-"I'm going to die of barfness" -Christian
-Sweet P is making a wedding dress. Right now that is the idea that jumps out to me. Risky, yet there's potential.
-Lingerie guy "knows for a fact" that he is a great designer. Good for him. Ricky.
-Fat guy is making a "little blue dress" and talking to it.
-The butler can't be a real person. To surreal.
-I like the "coat with the futuristic edge" by gillian? julianne? But I don't think she'll be able to do it.
-"Hippy hands at home Granny circle" about wedding dress. ha ha ha
-"Make it work"-the butler (Tim)
-This place reminds me of a sweat shop.
-Emotions are running high as time ticks down.
-William Shatner commercials = awesome
-Apparently I can get the butler on my cell phone if I so desire (commercial). That makes me happy.
-Future girl is grumpy.
-"Make it work" (third time)
-The models creep me out.
-"Make it work" in the background! (4th time)
-Hairboy is a drama queen.
-Lady in a glittery dress seems to use almost as many cliches as the butler.
-"It was innovative, and it worked out really cool and really hot"-Christian. How is something both cool and hot?
-Every single one of them says "I think I did a great job"
-Few of the designers seem to understand the notion of being "iconic"
-"Impeccable" is the judge's favorite adjective.
-"the lingerie experience" ha ha ha
-Glitter lady is a heck of a harsh judge. She kisses people goodbye after she fires them!! Being a designer seems like scary work...

In which Tim "compares" people on facebook, or not...

So a few minutes ago I was browsing friends pages on facebook, and was surprised to see my profile picture in the middle of my friends profile, with the caption "best to work with" underneath it. Turned out it was connected with the "compare your friends" function. I signed into it just to see what it's like, and was very quickly bothered.

This program shows you two of your friends pictures, and asks you to compare them on some given quality. Examples of what I saw would include "Which has the best smile?", "Which would you rather sleep with?", "Which is more reliable?", "Which has the better body?". When you are done comparing that set, it gives you another one. You can keep comparing and comparing and comparing your friends with each other all day long. You can look and see what people have ranked you as (apparently a lot of people think I am trustworthy. Thanks.), but you can't see who the people are that are saying these things.

This thing bothers me for several reasons. First of all, it's a way for people to tell their friends what they think about them without having to look them in the eye. If your friend is reliable, or smart, or has a great body why not just tell them that? Why does affirmation have to be given in secret?

Second, this program turns people into objects of amusement and consumption. My female friends are no longer people with emotions, minds, souls etc. but simply objects that facebook intends me to take pleasure in comparing. It doesn't feel right to make a game out of people. Connected to that, it's extremely degrading for individuals to have their bodies and personalities compared to other peoples in a public forum without giving consent. How many of us are being compared without knowing it? Privacy violation, anyone?

Bah. It makes me angry.

Regarding the death of Benazir Bhutto

When I was a small child there was a large poster on the wall of our back hallway. It showed a much younger Benazir wearing a blue head scarf. It was probably a campaign poster given to my parents by some visitor or other from Pakistan. It would have been the late 1980's, when she stunned the world by becoming the first democratically elected head of a Muslim nation state. As a graduate of Oxford, and the daughter of one of Pakistan's most gifted politicians she certainly had the potential to lead her country in the direction of progress and modernity. Yet through out her career she was dogged by allegations of corruption, and hindered by the mistakes of unqualified advisers. She never lived up to her potential, and has spent the last decade in a self imposed exile.

Over the last few months she has returned to the news, awakening the best hopes of Pakistan and the world. We listened as she began to speak of leading in the direction of moderation, seeking to negotiate a political coalition with Pakistan's military leaders. We watched as she returned to the land of her birth, touching the ground and shedding tears of joy, and was then nearly killed by a suicide bomber who took the lives of nearly 200 supporters. In recent months she has campaigned tirelessly leading up to the January elections. She seemed to genuinely believe that Pakistan could pick itself up out of the quagmire of terror, corruption and instability that it has lived in for so long. Crowds came out in the thousands to hear her message, and her future as Prime Minister seemed secure.

This morning (evening in Pakistan), she was shot in the neck by an assassin who then detonated a bomb that was strapped to his chest. Benazir was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. All across Pakistan people are beating their breasts and wailing in mourning for what has been lost.

Benazir was no angel. She had her faults, as politicians from every country always will, and I hesitate to claim that had she lived Pakistan would be out of the woods. The problems are far deeper than one Prime Minister could ever hope to mend. Yet the world begins to run short of leaders with the ability to inspire their people, causing them to believe that tomorrow really can be better. And democratic change does not happen without leaders who can fan the dream into flame. I have to admit that Benazir Bhutto had this ability, and I believe that the world should grieve her death. Like with Ahmed Shah Masoud and Rafik Hariri, we have lost a potentially great warrior in the epic quest to restore hope to a deeply troubled part of the world.

In which Tim might reveal some SPOILERS

If you are currently reading "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" or intend to read it in the near future, and wish to avoid possible spoilers. Please read no further.

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What a book. I finished reading it 27 hours after the release. I am tired, but there was so much heart stopping adrenaline packed into those pages that I think I need to type for a few minutes before I can calm down enough to sleep. The book was action packed, and alternated radically between terror and humor, despair and joy. Over all, I do not think that Ms. Rowling could have ended the story in a better way. All of the loose ends were tied up, and all the major characters were in top form to bid the reader farewell.

I was intrigued (maybe because it's three in the morning...) by what I perceived to be elements of the gospel present in the way things were ultimately resolved. In the end, an innocent victim sacrificed himself for the good of those he loved. He had no hope of glory or reward aside from the knowledge that the people he cared most about might be safe. And that selflessness broke death's grip, causing things to work backwards. It's a lot like Aslan in "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe". Obviously it is not a perfect allegory in that Harry was far from a completely innocent and blameless victim. Still, there is a lot to be learned from this story about love, sacrifice, and temptation.

I mentioned earlier how good it was that so many characters were given time to bid the reader farewell. I think I need to correct myself. The great thing about stories like this is that it wasn't really a farewell. I can open these pages any time I like to spend some time with Harry, Ron and Hermione. It's the same magic that allows me to time after time travel with Sam and Frodo, sail with Caspian, or explore the Himalayas with Ash and Juli. The great stories never end, they just go back on the shelf for a while. Props to Rowling for winning an honored spot on that shelf.

regarding the New York Times being a spoil sport

So the NYT somehow got their hands on a copy of the new Potter book two days before the rest of us are allowed to see it, and for some strange reason they published a review. I will not include the link because I don't want to lead anyone into temptation. I have not read it, nor do I intend to. My sister and I both wrote angry letters. They are copied below.

(From Me)
I was extremely disappointed to learn of the review of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" published by the New York Times using an illegitimately acquired copy of the book. I have been a loyal reader of the Times for my entire adult life and have never been so apalled by an effort to get a story first. Millions of fans across the world have been waiting for many years to read this book. Some younger fans have been waiting over half their lives to see how Harry's story ends. I am befuddled as to why the Times is above waiting in line with everyone else to purchase a copy at the designated release time, and I am utterly mystified as to why they would publish a review that they know for a fact would go unread by the vast majority of people with any interest in the series. Over all this move was poorly thought out, badly timed, and inconsiderate of Ms. Rowling, Scholastic Publishing, and the vast community of Harry Potter fans. I believe that the Times owes an immediate apology to all of these parties.

Sincerely,

Timothy S. Brown
Madison, WI


(From Katrina)
To Whom it May Concern:

I heard the most absurd and far fetched bit of news today. Can you imagine what it might have been? Today I heard that the New York Times posted an early review and spoilers of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

I hope you are ashamed of yourselves. I hope that you feel ashamed deep down to the very bottom of your heart, and I hope it burns all the way through to the core of you.

I've been a New York Times subscription holder - I haven't missed a Sunday Times in a long, long time. I've put up with the criticism of my Republican friends, and you have been my first source for news of any kind.

That you would even CONSIDER posting spoilers, let alone actually doing it? I can't even believe it. My respect for you has been almost obliterated. You probably think that is ridiculous, and you probably think that is silly. I'm actually almost positive that you will think that is silly - how could you not, you apparently have no sense of respect, goodness or decency. You have shown that you do not take children seriously - and I feel bad for yours, if you happen to be a parent. You do not take humanity seriously. You probably don't take much seriously.

My biggest problem? We live in a pretty messed up world. You, of all people, should know this. You are faced with it every day. Something comes along that brightens it up a bit for a huge part of the population - child and adult - and you proceed to attempt to smother it out.

Good thing for us, with all the sadistic intentions that must have gone into the printing of that review, you have not succeeded. You stooped low enough to the level of attention seeking idiots on the internet, and you will no doubt, in many of our minds, go down in history in the same vein as them - spineless, gutless, cowards who don't deserve the time of day.

You are foolish. You have erased one more source with a voice that I thought I could trust. I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry that someone ruined your childhood to such a degree that you would feel the need to bring the rest of us down with you.

I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for the lack of goodness and decency that remains in this world, and I'm sorry that you have to be the one to manifest it. I would have liked to keep reading your newspaper, and I would have liked to go on respecting you. I don't think I can, now, though.

Thank you for your time.

Katrina

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Just a day and a half!!

in which Tim laments the bureaucracy

The Peace Corps is full of stupid bureaucrats who seem to lack the imagination to answer questions comprehensibly. When this email dialog finishes, I will post it for your enjoyment.

Also, they are requiring that I shed my wisdom teeth. What fun!

in which Tim reports on his travels

Not the most interesting of travels (yet), but still exciting. I am presently sitting in a friends living room in Lansing after just having finished standing up for my friend Matt's wedding in Flint. Tomorrow I depart by car for DC to spend a few days as a tourist, and after that will return home by train. It's something of a whirl wind journey across America, and I am thoroughly enjoying it.

The wedding was fantastic. I have found that weddings can often be little more than ordeals that involve a lot of waiting around, making awkward conversation with people you don't know, and having to smile for pictures you will never see, all while wearing very uncomfortable clothes. This wedding included no shortage of waiting around, picture taking, or uncomfortable clothes (I am not sure that the tux I wore will be usable anymore after all the sweat I poured into it...), but it was all made bearable and even pleasurable by the warmth of the families and the presence of some of my best friends.

Now I should sleep. I am going to my old church tomorrow morning, which I am looking forward to. My web access will be sporadic over the next several days, so if you need to speak with me, hit up the cellephone. Peace out, and congratulations Matt and Libby. I anticipate that my friendship with you in your married life will be even more joyful than it was before (if that is possible).

in which Tim shares some news that you might not have heard

200 people died when a bomb went off in an Iraqi marketplace today. They were just people going shopping. A lot of them were probably kids, but CNN isn't showing me their pictures, or telling me their names, so I can't say for sure. They were just more of those nameless, faceless Iraqi people who we have given freedom to.

I don't want to minimize what happened at VA Tech. Death is death, and it's particularly horrible when the victims are so young, and it strikes so close to a context that we can identify with.

But why aren't we wearing ribbons for the people of Baghdad who died today? Why aren't we holding vigils, or looking for someone or something to blame?

I don't know.

regarding Virginia Tech

Right now CNN is reporting that 32 students have been killed by a gunman at Virginia Tech University. 29 more are wounded. Some were in their dorms, and most were sitting in class. They were probably checking their email, writing blogs, doing sudoku puzzles, or maybe even taking notes. They weren't in a war zone. They hadn't signed up to go into combat, or put their lives on the line. They were just kids going to school. A lot like me. I woke up in a dorm, and went to class today. In fact, I was sitting in a class room when I learned about these students being killed in class rooms. I wanted to vomit.

Now I am sitting in a lounge with the news switched on, watching students walk by in the hallway. Most are talking on cell phones or listening to their i-pods. Some stop to look at the tv screen. They express surprise at the death toll, and then turn away and keep walking. A few have wordlessly dropped into one of the chairs in front of the screen. They are overcome by their knowledge of a tragedy that speaks to some of the darkest deeds that humanity is capable of. These people know that in the face of such grim reality they can't just keep walking. And I am with them. I don't understand how to just go about my daily routine when things like this are happening.

The saddest part is that this not exactly a unique event when one takes a look around the world. How many young people have been killed in Iraq over the last several years? How many child soldiers are shooting at other kids in Africa? There is also the incredible violence and injustice that is seen in every element of the international sex trade. Humanity tells millions of stories in which countless people are killed or injured every day, in every corner of the world. No, Virginia Tech is not unique. But does that excuse apathy? Does the fact that humanity is utterly fallen, corrupt, and violent mean that it is morally excusable for me to unplug, and not feel grief?

I don't understand the people who just keep walking. We are so self centered. We believe that because the violence is on a different campus, or in a different country, that it won't touch us. A lot of Virginia Tech students probably had that mindset this morning, until the fallenness of humanity touched their lives in a particularly gruesome way.

We need to break our apathy. We need to be more sad about the state of our world. And we need to translate that sadness into love for those who face the harshest consequences of the way things are.

regarding Napoleon lookalikes

Not Bonaparte, but Dynamite. Seriously. I am sitting in the library right now and right across from me is a guy who looks creepily like Napoleon Dynamite. Crazy hair, glasses, tucked in t-shirt. I wish I had a camera so you could share the moment with me.

This is a silly blog entry.

But it's better than writing the paper that I am supposed to be writing. I'm sure it will be fine once I get started. I'm just ready to be done with papers for a little while, and walk across that stage.

I guess I need to enjoy it while I still can...in another few months I could have very different priorities. Like digging latrines and killing dinner. mmm

I have a Peace Corps interview on Monday. It's the second one. They got back to me really fast to set it up. I hope that's a good sign. We shall see.

in which Tim finishes

I am done with all the work I have to do before Spring break! I took a couple midterms, and turned in a paper that I've been working on for a few weeks that is a month over due. Niiice. Now I can go home and relax for a bit...

I must confess, however, that the paper makes me a little nervous. Even though I just wrote the thing in the last few weeks, I've been thinking about it and planning it for like six months. It sort of feels like a child that I have raised and nurtured. Now I've sent it off into the world, and I am terrified out of my mind that it will get beat up and made fun of, much like I was in kindergarten. But there's not much I can do about it now.

I'm also in a good mood because I found out today that Aus got into the Secret Service. It's been his dream job since long before I knew him. It's cool to see dreams come to realization. I wonder how often that happens. Not a lot. I think most of us lack the courage to really pursue our dreams in earnest. Others have forgotten what it means to have a dream, and just settle for whatever is easy.


I don't want to be like that.

regarding anger

WHY did Drew Neitzel have to get the flu RIGHT NOW???

It's just not fair.

in which Tim thinks about love, true love...

Disclaimer: If you are reading this, and happen to have dated me in the past, fear not. It is not about you. The person it refers to has long since disappeared, and probably doesn't even know that I keep a blog.

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I like to think of myself as a rational person. I don't usually tend to believe things unless I see or experience pretty good reason to. This is why the notion of true love (princess bride style) is a little bit mysterious to me. I've not experienced it (I would know, right?). Yet I can't be one of these skeptics that refuses to believe that the fruit is sweet just because he hasn't tasted it. How can I not believe in a motif that dominates the arts and defines cultures around the world? This force that draws two people into each others lives is described everywhere. It has to be real.

Assuming it is, I wonder how many of us are destined for it. I'd like to think everyone, but it can't be true. There are an awful lot of us who end up in relationships that are either shallow, temporary or both. Granted, a lot of it has to do with the decisions we make and why we choose to pursue the things that we do. But I think with patience and courage we all at least have the potential to seek out that deep, passionate and inexplicable kind of relationship.

But how many chances do we get at it? I feel like I had a shot at it a few years ago. There was a spark that I've never known before. A glimmer of what the bard writes about. But it slipped away. Maybe I was too afraid, or maybe she was. Maybe the circumstances were wrong. Or maybe I was wrong about it all, and now I'm just living with a brain full of manufactured memories.

And sometimes, late at night, fear likes to worm it's way into my head and gnaw away at my thoughts. Was the spark real? Why did it go away? Will I ever get to experience it again?

It is the past, she is gone, and I am powerless to answer these questions.

Thankfully I serve a God who is not. And even if it was all just a dream, I am thankful that he allowed me to experience it. It gives me reason to believe that this thing called love is indeed real.

Even if I never get to experience that depth of passion, it is good to know that it's there. It makes the world a brighter place. And I feel blessed to at least have experienced a glimmer of it.

Regarding rock and roll

I went to a newsboys concert tonight. It was tremendous fun, and a pleasant break from the grind of my final semester here. Considering that I have now seen this band in concert seven or eight times, there was a lot that was familiar, but still a good amount of material to fuel reflection.

Naturally, I knew all the songs and stage antics by heart, so I didn't get a lot from watching the band. Our seats, however, were sort of to the side and above the stage, so I was able to spend a lot of time watching the crowd. The age diversity at these shows always amazes me. Teenagers, parents, grandparents, younger kids. And everyone seems to enjoy it.

For example, tonight I noticed a little boy who couldn't have been any older than three. He spent the entire show running up and down between the front row of seats and the stage, running, dancing, playing in the piles of confetti that had gathered on the floor. He wasn't misbehaving, and he didn't come to any harm. How many rock shows do you think that could happen at? A small child enjoying the music in his own way, right along with teenagers and old people. I guess that's what the kingdom is about. We participate in worship together, all being fed despite differences in age, experience, tastes, etc.

Of course, the crowd WAS still predominantly white...

one step at a time, I guess.

---

Speaking of newsboys, I found this video on youtube. It'll make you laugh.

in which Tim feverishly prepares to speak at large group

I think my outline is done. It's probably the trickiest talk I've ever written, mostly due to the large amount of ground I have to cover. Isaiah, Jesus, Bangladesh, Acid Victims, Porridge, Rickshaws and Egypt. It might be a stretch, but it's all there. I even managed to integrate some audience participation.

I might need to re work the part where I talk about Paul. I am not sure I like the flow. Perhaps talking about Isaiah, three gospels, and three of Paul's letters all in one talk was a bit ambitious. Eh. I will do a couple readings tonight, one tomorrow morning, and another right before the talk. Hopefully that will iron out the wrinkles.

This posting probably makes no sense to anyone who isn't me. But (God willing) it will all come together at 7:30 PM tomorrow in 107 Kedzie. Feel free to either come, pray for me, or both. All is appreciated!

I need to sleeeep.

In which Tim reflects via the light of a Christmas tree...

It's a beautiful tree. Just the right size, lots of peacefully blinking lights and hand crafted ornaments, and a giant star on top. I prefer stars to angels. My dog is sleeping next to me, and my sister's cat underneath my chair. My parents are in the next room filling up the stockings, pretending to be santa claus. Traditions are nice.

At church tonight, I was moved by a part of the Christmas story that had never really struck me before. I think that in thinking of the Christmas story, many of us tend to pull all the elements from the different gospel accounts, and create one big mental picture out of them. Mary, Joseph, shepherds, wisemen, evil kings, etc. It's a beautiful picture, but in doing that we tend to lose some of the poignancy of the elements contained in the individual accounts.

What struck me was from the story in the second chapter of Luke:

8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ[a] the Lord."

Yeah, we all know the story. I've always thought about how cool it was that the birth of Jesus was announced to both the poorest scum of society (shepherds in fields), and the richest of the elite (foreign kings following a star). The funny thing is that Luke's account makes no mention of the star gazing Magi (wisemen). But I think the contrast that we see in this part of Luke is much more extreme than the other one.

In this scene we have humble, poor, probably illiterate shepherds celebrating an event alongside creatures who represent visibly the very glory of the most high. The lowest of society and the highest in the Universe. Wow! How could such a meeting be possible? What event could prompt such a bridging of separate realms? Only the birth of one through whom these two kingdoms could be united. A God-man. The highest of heaven united in the form of flesh and bone with man kind. Jesus Christ.

-------

The pastor at church talked a lot about Bethlehem, and how it was not much but a cow town. The prophet Micah predicted that out of Bethlehem would come one who would rule over all of Israel, restoring the ancient order, and ultimately "be their peace (shalom)". It got me thinking about all the conflict and strife in Israel today. In recent years, even the church of the Nativity has been a battlefield. How many have died? How many must STILL die? We need shalom.

Come, Lord Jesus. That is my prayer as I celebrate your birth. Return, and bring peace where there is conflict, and healing where there is pain. We long to see you.

in which Tim apologizes, tells the news, and picks at his wounds.

I have not written for a long time. I think there are probably several reasons for this, and it will require some reflection to get to them. So to be kind to my readers, I have divided this overdue entry into multiple sections. If you're the kind of person that simply requires the concrete information, "Part 1" is for you. For the rest of you, who enjoy journeying through the messy tangle of philosophical musings, iteresting emotions, and elaborate illustrations that is Tim's mind, I have included "Part 2".

Part 1; The News: I am back on American soil. I arrived home about a week and a half ago, after my flight being delayed 36 hours in Dhaka, and then having to wait an extra 14 hours in London. It was no short journey, but all's well that ends well I suppose. Between piling on layers of clothing to escape these un-Godly temperatures, and pretending to do the homework that I should be doing, I spend an awful lot of time being bored. Please feel free to call or visit if you want to hear stories, tell stories, or just hang out.

Part 2; Why I've not written in a while: I am an extreme extrovert, which I am told means that I do much of my processing outside of my head. My preferred mediums are speech, journaling, and occasionally blogging. Having a brain that doesn't often stop, I usually spend an awful lot of my time either talking or journaling. Those who know me well can tell that when I stop talking it usually means that I am avoiding thinking about something. When situations are confusing or frustrating, sometimes avoidance seems like an awfully convenient solution. Just yesterday I realized that I haven't blogged, journaled, or engaged in extremely deep conversation for a long time, and that I needed to figure out why. So I guess this blog is kind of like me picking at a scab to figure out what's going on underneath...

Some of you know that I have something that I like to call "disengagement syndrome". It means I have trouble knowing how to say goodbye to people and places. It probably comes from having moved around quite a bit as a child, and still feeling the pain of lost friends and beloved places that all become just a memory. The solution I came up with (subconciously) to avoid the pain of parting with people or places was to just unplug when my time in a certain situation is coming to an end. I sort of pull into myself, becoming less outgoing and more elusive. This is one of the reasons that I am never at my best during spring finals week.

With the help of some good friends, I learned the nature of my disengagement syndrome at cedar campus during SLT, and I thought I had it beaten. I figured out (on a conceptual level) that if we "trust God", it's ok to say goodbye to people and places, because through the holy spirit we are all connected to each other anyway, and if it's in His will he can easily bring us back together. Simple, right? Not so much. Old habits die hard, and during my last few weeks in Bangladesh I found myself disengaging as much as ever. I kept thinking about coming home, going back to school, what was next, and disconnecting from where I was and what I was doing.

So here I am, at the next thing. And it's not that great. In fact it's pretty disappointing. I don't know if I was expecting a red carpet with a fanfare and a 21 gun salute, but being back home is kind of boring and a little depressing. I looked forward to re-engaging with the people I left behind and processing through the things I've learned. But it turns out that half of people I've talked to, after asking "how was it?" and hearing me reply "er...umm..good?"(as though three months of travel could be summarized in such a short answer) don't actually want to know any more than that. The other half don't even ask how it was. There have been a select few people (fortunately my parents are among them) who express genuine interest and curiosity in what I encountered and how it impacted me.

I realize it's finals time, and pretty much everyone that I know is up to their ears in work. I don't mean to complain about people not being willing to sit down and listen to me talk for hours on end. I know what it's like. Goodness knows how many times I've been on the other side of this situation. I don't bear grudges against anyone here.

But I still just feel lonely. Like I am the only person in the world who has been certain places and seen certain things, and that no one can understand me. Kind of like Frankenstein's monster, I guess. Except he knew what he needed to solve his loneliness. I don't have a clue. Even if all my friends suddenly started calling and wanting to hear all about my trip, I doubt it would help that much. This is probably just normal re-entry stuff that will go away with time. I just need to keep moving, develop a routine, and then life will become navigable again.

I am sorry if I sound selfish and needy. Maybe I am just bored, and need to fill my time up with something productive. Right now I just try not to think, or start thinking and make myself depressed. bah. I need school to start...

regarding Spartan basketball

This is a funny moment, and I feel obligated to share. Given the recent political problems, the office has been closed a lot lately. The protesters have agreed to stand down for a few days, so I have come into the office on Saturday to catch up on some work. Supposedly.

MSU is playing at Madison Square Garden right now. I know this because I went on to ESPN.com, and I am reloading the page every thirty seconds to keep track of the score. There are thirty seconds left and we are down by three points. I am visibly anxious.

I wonder what the people in the cubicle next to me think. Hunched over my computer screen like my life depends on what I see there. I almost let out a whoop when we scored back to back threes.

As much as I love being in Bangladesh, I also love my NCAA sports. It's funny when different parts of life come together. I wish I had more time to wax philosophical right now, but the games almost over.

Go Green!

in which Tim reflects on American politics from India...

Yes, I am presently in India. More specifically, I am in a small cyber cafe in the touristy district of Calcutta/Kolkata. I've come for a few days to let my visa renew. It's a huge city, bursting with people. There is a lot of history here too. Lot's of old, colonial looking buildings. Lot's of streets named after Monarchs and other people I've read books about. I might go see the Mother Theresa house this afternoon, after I am done visiting the memorial that was built to Queen Victoria.

But this entry was supposed to be about politics, so here we go. The Democrats pulled it off. At this point they have won the house, and pending the results of one contest, have either won or split the Senate. A lot of people criticized Dean for using a 50 state campaign strategy. They said he should focus the money on winning a few key races. It seems that all the scandals that turned up late in the race caused the 50 state strategy to pay off. It was a landslide.

I am happy about the results of the election, but I am bracing for a painful couple of years to come. It seems to me that the Democrats are like a sports team that has managed to stumble their way into the play offs. Yes, they have made it this far, but the real work is still to come. Winning elections is one thing, but learning how to govern is quite another. I sincerely hope that Pelosi and co. have what it takes to compromise, negotiate, and come up with a plan to make something out of this victory they've won.

And I wonder who will run in '08...my prediction is that within the next month we will have announcements from Clinton, Edwards, Daschle, McCain, and maybe Rudy. Should be fun.