in which Tim thinks about love, true love...

Disclaimer: If you are reading this, and happen to have dated me in the past, fear not. It is not about you. The person it refers to has long since disappeared, and probably doesn't even know that I keep a blog.

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I like to think of myself as a rational person. I don't usually tend to believe things unless I see or experience pretty good reason to. This is why the notion of true love (princess bride style) is a little bit mysterious to me. I've not experienced it (I would know, right?). Yet I can't be one of these skeptics that refuses to believe that the fruit is sweet just because he hasn't tasted it. How can I not believe in a motif that dominates the arts and defines cultures around the world? This force that draws two people into each others lives is described everywhere. It has to be real.

Assuming it is, I wonder how many of us are destined for it. I'd like to think everyone, but it can't be true. There are an awful lot of us who end up in relationships that are either shallow, temporary or both. Granted, a lot of it has to do with the decisions we make and why we choose to pursue the things that we do. But I think with patience and courage we all at least have the potential to seek out that deep, passionate and inexplicable kind of relationship.

But how many chances do we get at it? I feel like I had a shot at it a few years ago. There was a spark that I've never known before. A glimmer of what the bard writes about. But it slipped away. Maybe I was too afraid, or maybe she was. Maybe the circumstances were wrong. Or maybe I was wrong about it all, and now I'm just living with a brain full of manufactured memories.

And sometimes, late at night, fear likes to worm it's way into my head and gnaw away at my thoughts. Was the spark real? Why did it go away? Will I ever get to experience it again?

It is the past, she is gone, and I am powerless to answer these questions.

Thankfully I serve a God who is not. And even if it was all just a dream, I am thankful that he allowed me to experience it. It gives me reason to believe that this thing called love is indeed real.

Even if I never get to experience that depth of passion, it is good to know that it's there. It makes the world a brighter place. And I feel blessed to at least have experienced a glimmer of it.